Is your husband a bad influence?

Till Death Do Us Part

My dear husband is on holiday atm. I mean he’s allegedly working abroad. But all from his Insta it seems there’s just sight-seeing and boozing! So yeah I miss him bla  bla. And the bins-routine has driven me crazy. But I’m also noticing some substantial differences in my daily routine.

For example, I’m writing this at 6am. Because I got up at 5, cleared my urgent stuff and then found I have inspiration and time to do some creative writing.

Getting up at 5am was easy. Because I went to bed before 10pm.

And getting to bed was easy because I watched one 40-minute episode of a series, then turned the TV off. I didn’t get suckered into waiting for the News or watching some comedy. In fact, I’m mastering this great trick of “just switching off TV”. A couple of nights I haven’t even switched it on…

Oh and funnily enough I’ve had no desire to munch pretzels, doritos or anything. Because no one near me is munching anything. And because no one is offering me any. And because I can’t be arsed off the sofa to get it myself. And anyhow there’s nothing munchable in the house because I’ve not been buying shite.

So yes, it’s clear to me that Neil is a bad influence on me! And the chances are that you and your husband also have some “couple” habits that are less than ideal too.

So it may be time for a couple audit? Do you need to fix some bad couple habits?

  • What are the bad habits that you’d like to get rid of?
  • How can you work together to break them?

Here’s some suggestions:

Align your goals together.

If your goal is to lose fat and stop the evening munchies or glass of vino, can you get your husband to join you? Could you aim for 4-5 much-free nights? If he must munch, can you get him to eat stuff you don’t like: e.g. Doritos and pretzels are back on the banned list. Peanuts, wasabi nuts etc are on the OK list.

Find your triggers.

Often, I’m merrily vegging on the sofa when husband gets up and announces he’s getting himself something and would I like anything. Now I know he means well, but the reality is that this question starts me thinking: oooh yes, I would like something, what can I have and mentally listing the things I could have (but shouldn’t). And then I DO want something. Even if I didn’t before the question. Simply realising this suggests an easy fix: just don’t ask me… what are some of your triggers?

Be selfish.

I know that I have to get up early to clear my emails from the previous day, otherwise I can’t get to them until generally until 2 or 3 pm. This means I spend the day stressing and mentally listing everyone I need to respond to, but without being able to actually do any of it. Then the kids are home and I’m short and snappy with them because my mind is full of these virtual to do lists. It’s unpleasant for everyone and the fix is to get it done early. So this means getting to bed early!

What are your minimum self-care demands? What are some of your core needs?

Take responsibility.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that I do love to blame Neil for my overeating Pretzels and Doritos. But the reality is that I’m a grown woman and if I need to stop eating crap than I just should. Sure there are situations that make it easier or harder to achieve this. But if my goal is to not eat crap and I’m repeatedly failing at this goal, then the problem lies in the goal and my alignment to it. Not the husband. (Neil geddit – you’re off the hook!)

Which then begs the question. What is the goal? Why are you committed to it? Are you simply on a “I wanna lose weight” train just because so are most women over 30? Or because you have a much deeper why?

If you can’t articulate your why, then maybe just quit guilting yourself and enjoy the ride! We don’t all HAVE to be on a weight loss / self development / fitness improvement / whatever journey ALL of the time.

So there you go.

PS For the record, Neil is a lovely man, great husband and wonderful dad. I love him loads – he just needs a bit of teaking now and then. And I’m definitely not just writing this because there’s a very strong chance that he will read this blog…

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