“I shall endeavour to make it…”
Said a member recently, when I was grilling her over her lack of consistency at attending training…
Me: “Endeavour is just a fancy word for try. And try is a signal for weak commitment. Just because it’s a fancier word, doesn’t mean it’s any more of a commitment. Either decide to do it. Or don’t…”
Which led me to question:
Why is it that many of us are unable to follow through on the things that we say that we’re going to do?
This to me is the billion-dollar question.
Why do women, often women who are otherwise driven, successful and organised, fail over and over again in achieving the “health and fitness goals” they set for themselves?
[FTR I’m saying ‘women’ because this is who I have most conversations with. I’m sure the same applies to men…]
I’ve been pondering this question for the last couple of weeks. And though I’m not sure I have the full answer, I have some ideas.
Now let’s be honest, this isn’t something I have personal experience of in the Health and Fitness space. I have trained my whole life. I eat mostly well, all the time. Sure I have moments when I don’t do either the training or the healthy eating or both. But inevitably after a while, I’ll come back to my norm.
But I’m far from perfect and I have my own struggles. If you’ve been here from the start, you’ll know some of the things I struggle with or have struggled with. I’m pretty open about this stuff.
Here’s two:
- Writing a weekly newsletter consistently – although I’ve aced this one recently!
- Being consistent on social media.
Melita Fitness has been running in its current form for nearly 8 years. It was probably about 7 years ago that I figured I should start writing a newsletter. But it was only in 2022 that I actually committed and succeeded in writing one every single week.
On the other hand, for years I’ve been saying I need to up my social media game and (although I’m marginally better atm) it’s still not happening and I’m still taking the easy way out.
So what’s the difference? Why did I suddenly switch “on” with the newsletter? Why, on the other hand, have I not switched on with the social media?
Because I think it’s the same for Client A who is a busy working mum with young kids who turns up week in week out to regular slots and whatever the weather. And Client B who often finds meetings / dentist / overrunning work / bad weather as an excuse not to train…
Reason #1 – You’re not ready
You think you should do it, but you’re not actually ready yet. The excuses are common: you’re too busy, it’s too cold, this meeting cannot be re-arranged, the baby is too little.
You THINK you want to do it. And you want to will yourself to do it. But the reality is that you’re not ready. And you’re not really committed. This is why you keep letting stuff get in the way.
And my message for anyone feeling this and thinking “this is me” is…
It’s OK to not be ready.
It’s OK to have other priorities. I might not agree with them, because I think we should all prioritise our health and fitness. But that’s just my opinion.
This is between you and yourself.
I wish that someone had told me that when I was failing to write a weekly newsletter for 7 years… And beating myself up every week because I failed to do the thing I thought I needed to do.
Or that someone had told me that there were some intermediate steps along the way that I should take…
Which brings me to Reason #2…
Reason #2 – It’s too big
This is definitely my problem with social media. It’s too big. It’s too hard. I’m not clear on what I should be doing. And it feels massively uncomfortable. If you’re new to fitness or weight loss, you might be feeling the exact same emotions.
[Damn it – I’ve a feeling this section is gonna end up with my committing to doing something to up my social media game!! Haha]
OK… So what should you do? The answer is simple. Make it smaller, make it manageable, make a plan…
Here’s what it could look like:
- Commit to one change in your eating habits, e.g. a healthy breakfast, more veg at lunch, no snacking in the evening, one weekly session. Just one thing!
- Think about what you need to put in place to make it happen. For example, wake up 10 minutes earlier, buy veg regularly, get your husband on board with the no snacking rule. Or get rid of your snacks. Book the time as unavailable in your calendar…
- Make a plan for when things go wrong. For example, what’s a superfast breakfast option? Maybe keep a stock of hardboiled eggs? Stock up on frozen veggies for when you inevitably run out?
- Find a way to celebrate your successes…
Which brings me to reason #3.
[And yes, because I feel I should lead by example, I’m going to do this for my social media problem…. Come and read about it here.]
Reason #3 – Delayed Gratification
We are human and we have emotions. We are fundamentally driven towards pleasure and away from pain.
Fitness, weight loss, and my social media problem all require the practice of delayed gratification…
- Post social media content now to build an audience that might turn into customers in the future.
- Say no to the biscuit now, to be slimmer next summer
- Train hard now, to get a healthier long term.
In short, sacrifice now for a future reward.
It is this mismatch in timelines that makes it so hard to stick with our goals.
- Although I know I should be posting more, it’s easier to scroll than actually post stuff.
- Even though we know we want to lose weight, that biscuit is so irresistible.
- Even though we know we should train, we let people book meetings in with us when we should be training.
There is a conflict between what we want now and what we want in the future.
So how to fix it? In essence, you need to find a way to bring your gratification forward. Losing weight can be a lengthy, frustrating process. But if you’re celebrating everyday you succeed at your small goal that you set above ^^^, you can bring gratification forward.
Working out can be a scary, prolonged process. It takes time to see the effects. But if you reward yourself for every session you attend, this brings your gratification forward.
In other words, celebrate the process as it happens rather than the future outcome.
I wrote in more detail about this here.
I’m gonna end this here, even though I looooove this subject and could go on for ages – can you guess?
I’d love to know though… Do any of this resonate with you? What will you put in place to help you achieve your goals?
