Let me start by telling you that I only began running in late 2014, not long after someone told me I’d never be able to run a marathon. At the time I had no such aspirations to do so; I hadn’t even run 10km at this point, but that comment stuck with me.
Why not? Who are you to say I wouldn’t or couldn’t?
…and so the story begins. A 5km “Colour” run, 10km winter run and the Bath half-marathon. Maybe, just maybe I could actually do it… I could perhaps run a full marathon. So in 2016 I signed up for the Bournemouth Marathon.
Dream vs Reality.
At the time, I totally underestimated just how hard it would be to do the full 26.2 miles, and whilst I finished in a good time for my first attempt (just over 4 hours), I was disappointed. I heard of the ‘Good for Age (GFA)’ places for London and I wanted in. I needed to shave 10 to 15 minutes off my time to qualify. I still had that voice in my head telling me that I still wasn’t good enough.
So, I decided to run a half marathon every month. This was pretty fun and I got relatively quick (my fastest half being 1hr 39mins, I was stoked). This was going to be the year; so off I went to the Brighton Marathon and everything was looking great… and then came the sun, people were dropping out from heat exhaustion all over the place. I missed out on my GFA by 1 minute – argh!!!! But rather than give up – feeling positive and strong, and unbeknown to anybody, I registered for another marathon. Let’s try again!
And this time, I did it… Finishing in 3hrs 45mins; 5 minutes under the time I needed to qualify for London.
However, as I ticked off more marathons, I started to feel like all the ‘proper runners’ were going harder and further. 26.2 miles just didn’t cut it… a marathon was simply not enough!
Double Marathon.
In 2019 I decided the time was right. I was surrounding myself, both locally and on social media, with all these ‘cool’ people who had inspired me to take the next step. It was time to go big… Time for a double-marathon!
The training was tough, especially whilst trying to also juggle work and family. At its peak, I was running 20 to 30km back-to-back over 3 days… brutal.
But, I did it. I completed my hardest run to date; the 52 miles of undulating trails that is Race to the Tower.
I was on a roll… next stop… 100km… that’s what ‘real’ runners do, right?!?
We booked it… Race to the Stones. 100km in one day! But then COVID happened, followed by me tearing my calf muscle.
Game over for 2021.
Work, life and training.
By now my workload had changed significantly. I was working in a variety of establishments and locations, spending much more time on my feet.
Again, we continued our back-to-back sessions – get up early, do a long run, come home, eat, shower, sleep, then do it all again the following day. However, the increasing demands of my work meant that I just wasn’t able to maintain the same volume of training this time around. I had to find a balance, reducing my training enough whilst ensuring I could still hit the distance when it mattered.
Race Day.
Surprisingly, I didn’t feel too nervous. I’m not sure why as I usually get twitchy before a big event. But I felt fine… excited in fact.
It was an early 06:50 starting, meaning we had a few hours of cloud cover before the sun came out. We watched as the “pro’s” headed off seeking a personal best, or even going for the win.
When the sun came out, it really came out. There was no shade, the heat was relentless. This made appreciating the views tricky as the conditions were so punishing. However, we made ourselves take regular opportunities to stop, take a breath and look around us, taking the odd selfie as we go.
We made it to basecamp in one-piece (almost). We were half-way there, morale was good, we made good time and we felt AMAZING!
It is important to remember to eat, replenish your food and water, and also the little things like changing your socks. My feet were hot and I could feel hot spots forming so blisters were inevitable. New socks would help (and made me feel a little fresher).
I even played a little music on the second half… singing and dancing to lift spirits (sorry Trine and Bonnie). The trail was long, with no shade, soaring temperatures – forcing us to walk more than we had hoped.
The Final 12km.
Never have I seen a sign that filled me with such joy, so close, yet so far and still daylight – just. I must admit, I really REALLY wanted to stop for a bit longer at this point, my feet were hurting, I could feel the blisters, stabbing on the bottom of my feet, but I kept quiet and carried on as I knew the quicker we got there the better. Now was not the time to start moaning about blisters hurting! From the 90km mark we were cheering at every 1km marker. Bonnie was pushing us on as she knew from the previous experience that those last few kilometres were brutal; narrow, bumpy and difficult to navigate in the dark. I can happily concur, getting through them in light was a relief albeit tough to keep going at times, I am extremely thankful for her drive during the closing stages.
Crossing the finish line was just perfect!
We started this journey together and we made it to the finish still smiling and laughing. What a day! There’s not many friends that you could do that with and still be in such good spirits by the end.
Running has given me some incredible lifelong friends, and for that I am eternally thankful.
Why do it?
Training and running long distances is hard. The training itself is all-consuming and at times you just don’t want to do it. You often ask yourself why you’re doing it? What are you trying to prove?
Lots of people talk about running for head space and mental health, or aesthetic reasons. All of which can have their place. I like running and I love the places it has taken me, but I’m just as happy walking my dog, I don’t need to run to find headspace.
During this training cycle I often questioned myself; why would I put my body through this? And that nagging voice “You are not a real runner” was never far away.
What I do have though is an ability to dig in and go deep during events or training runs, even when it is hurting like hell. Whilst I might question my ability during the training, once I’m at the start line I know that I can finish (injuries aside). I have this ability to put myself into the uncomfortable and keep going. My husband says it’s pure stubbornness and there’s definitely an element of that. There’s also pride – I’ve told people I’m going to do something, I’ve raised money for a great charity, failure is not an option.
When I’m running and I start to feel tired or like it’s all getting too much, I start to sing (weird, I know, especially as I can’t sing and often don’t know the words). But singing is my way of coping I guess. I hadn’t realised this was something I did particularly until Trine pointed it out. It’s my distraction and anything is fair game; nursery rhymes, old songs and new, anything goes. It gets me out of a hole and helps regulate my breathing and pace… plus it makes me smile.
At no point during the run did I feel like I couldn’t finish. It was painful and I wanted to walk a bit longer than I should, but I never felt like I wouldn’t get to the finish line. If you have seen any photos of the event you will see that I’m always smiling. I can honestly say that as hard as it was, I knew I could keep going. Call it mental strength, call it blind stubbornness, who knows. As much as that initial reaction of finishing was, ‘that was horrendous’ actually looking back, it wasn’t so bad. I guess that’s in the preparation and mindset.
Am I a ‘real runner’?
I think the question really should be, “What makes you a runner?”.
Can I put one foot in front of the other and move forward at a pace faster than walking? Yes.
Can I get myself out of bed when I really don’t want to train? Yes (mostly).
Have I got the determination to keep going when the going gets tough? Absolutely.
For me, I like running and I’m okay at it. I can put myself in uncomfortable positions and still keep going. And, importantly, on the whole, I enjoy it! Yes there are times when I am absolutely unmotivated and can’t be bothered, but ultimately I always come back to it. For better or worse I think running will always be something that I come back to, it gives me a feeling of freedom and companionship.
Ultimately, the ‘am I a real runner?’ and ‘what do real runners do?’ was the story I was telling myself, a self pressure that only I was imposing. Runners come in all shapes and sizes, from C25K runners and ‘jeffers’ to marathon runners and more.
If you run, then you are a real runner, there’s no caveats required.
Oh and if you are wondering how the recovery is going, yep legs are still f@cked!
And, if you are thinking, will she do it again, even after saying ‘never again’…. well you’ll just have to wait and see 😉 [Editor: The correct answer is No!]
